


A guide to the night shift

by Mycatistryingtokillme



Category: Original Work
Genre: Hope you enjoy, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Lisa is me, supernatural stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 16:04:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21304793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycatistryingtokillme/pseuds/Mycatistryingtokillme
Summary: Working the nightshift is a hell, but don't worry someone left you some (questionable) advice
Kudos: 1





	A guide to the night shift

Working the graveyard shift at a 24-hour convenience store in a town full of cryptids, monsters, and every flavor of supernatural beings has taught me how to put up with anything in the name of a paycheck. And as the person reading this, you (probably) have come in to take over my job as the resident dead-eyed graveyard shift employee praying for the sweet relief of death- or payday whichever comes first. So in the spirit of fair play and saving us all from a lot of future embarrassment/murder, I have decided to write this (hopefully) helpful guide to surviving till payday or death (and maybe longer but let's not get ahead of ourselves here).

Ok so first off is the most important thing; making sure you GET paid  
If you managed to get this far then you have already talked to Steve the night manager, yes he is actually a boogeyman- no he does not hide under beds and grab the ankles of small children. He is, however, your boss and a complete cheapskate (seriously he will try to cut every corner and pinch every penny). So you're probably going to have to confront him directly for every paycheck because he WILL try and swindle you.  


1) When you have to go into Steve’s office, remember to insist that he turns off his darks (darks are like any other light bulb except they produce darkness instead of light and are cripplingly expensive, but when they actually work and come in settings from twilight forest to the deepest pits of eternal damnation most creatures of the night will grit their teeth and bear the price tag). Only a person trying to win an idiot contest will knowingly walk into a boogeyman’s lair when they have their darks on. So if push comes to shove, just threaten to call management and Steve will (most likely) turn the darks off because he knows that he’ll have the higher-ups busting down his door if word got out about even half of the stuff he cuts corners on.  


2)When you do manage to get your paycheck, remember to look over every detail on that sucker, cause Steve will try to scam you. For example when I got my first paycheck he tried to trick me by moving the decimal, turning what would have been $260.80 into $26.080. So take a magnifying glass to that sucker if you have to. And don’t worry about making a fool of in front of Steve, boogeymen are greedy by nature so if anything he’ll probably respect you for trying to get as much money as possible.  


The next thing that you're going to have to learn is the regulars you're going to be encountering during your shift. And for the record, these are just the people you are going to be encountering regularly but are no means going to be the only people you encounter, shockingly most supernatural creatures don’t like to keep strict schedules.  


1) Kevin usually comes in around midnight and yes he is a vampire. No, he will not try and kill you. He just buys the “fruit juice” that we sell at the back of the store and leaves, so just don’t be rude or try and stake him because he is also a fellow night shift worker and knows our pain (He also has a wife and three kids but I’m going to assume that neither of us can relate to that). He also pays in exact change and rearranges the soda so that it’s all in order of color and size. Which is strange but not unwelcome.  


2) Gretchen and her kids will turn up around 5 AM but only on full moons, (three guesses what they are). And I have it on good authority that Gretchen is literally the sweetest person on the planet and will tell you to pocket the change when she pays $100 dollars for her and her kids $50 dollar snack/pre-made food/slushie and soda feast. So be nice to Gretchen.  


3) Alex also comes in on full moons but it’s impossible to tell what time they're going to show up, they usually roll in a few minutes of hearing an explosion somewhere off in the distance and are usually covered in ash and strange neon liquids that I honestly don’t even what to know about. So they are either a witch, a mad scientist, or a college student. Either way, they buy enough energy drinks to make you question whether you should call the FDA. But just remember that they always pay in $50s no matter how much the total is and then wonder out while muttering and not paying attention anymore, so ya know if the change makes it into your pocket no one needs to know. And you know, now that I’m writing this stuff out, it’s becoming less likely that Alex is a college student.  


4) Lisa isn’t technically a customer, but she is the ghost that haunts the women's bathroom and will start hysterically sobbing around 4 AM. I try to treat it like I would if any other stranger started hysterically crying around me, awkward silence and horrible attempts at comfort. But if you leave strawberry twinkies for her in the bathroom, the crying will be less hysterical and more just sad wailing which is a lot easier to deal with. I don’t think she can eat them but they are gone by the time 5 AM rolls around, so it’s either her or the rats. I have no idea why she’s there and neither does Steve, but honestly, I relate to her because I too want to start crying when 4 AM rolls around. But I think its because my life has spiraled out of control and I have no idea what I’m going to do after high school and the crushing realization that I've wasted what were supposed to be the best years of my life working at a convenience store where Sharen from the PTA will come it a 2 in the goddam morning and scream at me because her stupid coupon is expired and It’s not my fault SHAREN! YOU SHOULD HAVE CHECKED BEFORE YOU GOT HERE SHAREN!... I’m sorry I’ve been having a really bad shift, let's just move on and not talk about that. Ok? Ok.  


5) Groups from the cult down the road like to show up randomly and buy all of the cheese (don’t question it, you will never know the answer and it will just drive you crazy). When checking out they'll try and convince you to join their cult, just treat them like you would missionaries that show up at your door; be polite and take the pamphlet but don’t look any further into it. They will also try and pay in gold coins, just keep insisting that they pay in regular currency. Also, don’t look any of them in the eyes of they’ll assume you're trying to “court” them and it gets really awkward.  


6) Kitty likes to come in when you're least expecting it and will always but the most random stuff. I honestly don’t know if she’s human for some kind of supernatural creature, but if I had to put money on it I’d bet she’s some kind of primordial deity based on the fact that I looked directly into her eyes one time and when I looked away my shift was over and I could taste colors for a week. So I try to be nice to her in fear that she may one day take back the earth and kill us all, but that’s just me

Now that all that’s out of the way, you just need to know the tools you're going to need to survive the night. Under the counter where you should have found this guide is a box that I affectionately call the “E.F.M.O.L.M.S” (short for “either fire me or let me sleep”) and inside you should find the following items  


1) 2 cases of red bull, remember to always buy in bulk kido.  


2)1 emergency 2-way radio, in case the store gets transported to another dimension again.  


3)2 copies of the guide to this dimension, for in case of time travelers/dimensional travelers show up. Or you're desperate for something to read. And in case you're wondering, there are 2 copies cause the travelers always show up in pairs. It’s like there's some kind of force their universe that wants to have a romantic subplot between the main characters. But then again what do I know?  


4)Laser pointer, you will be surprised how entertained you can be with the damn thing. Or maybe I just went crazy from this job and haven't realized it yet.  


5)Fully stocked first aid kit. Like I said Steve likes to cut corners and the first aid kit was the first thing to get gutted.  


6)Flashlight, because the power goes out at least once every week.  


7)1 copy of Electronics For Dummies, for when the power goes out.  


8)1 consecrated silver blade and a flask of holy water, just in case your attacked. Or you want to impress someone, and you think that's the way to do it for some reason.  


9)Strawberry twinkies to leave for Lisa, again remember to buy in bulk because I guarantee you are going to end up snacking on them more than once.  


10)A bat for in case the rats try to revolt again.  


11)Weedkiller for the purple plants that look like human faces and grown out by the dumpsters. It's a little sad that I consider THOSE one of the most normal things here.  


Before you ask, it’s a REALLY big box. I’ve left you with a fully stocked box, but remember to restock it when you can and to add any other stuff you think is necessary. Oh god, I sound like a tutorial NPC. Whatever, you have the stuff so just try not to kill anybody. I’m going to end off with some last bits of advice that didn’t fit in any of the other lists.  


1)When push comes to shove, don’t be afraid to call Steve for help. He may be one of the most insufferable people I’ve ever met, but that cause he’s my boss and he’s using the rats to power the store which I’m not sure if it’s inhumane or not because on the one hand there clearly sentient but on the other hand they tried to kill me as a sacrifice to their gods last week.  


2)If you feel like the crushing weight of reality is going to destroy you, there's an abandoned crawl space in aisle 12 where you can go to cry without disturbing anyone. It also works as a good place to hide in case of a zombie apocalypse/your friends decide it’s a GREAT idea to try and surprise you at work even though its 6 in the morning and all you want to do is curl up and never face the world again.  


8)There is always a spill in aisle 7, just put the wet floor sign up and try not to think about that fact it has eyes.

Ok, that's all I got for you. Hope you manage to survive. Good luck.


End file.
